Wet Wipes And Wine
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Wet Wipes And Wine
#13 Just Selfishly Messing Up My Kids Future.
(Note - Audio not crisp, but content on point!)
Ever found yourself on the receiving end of parenting advice you didn't ask for, or maybe you've even dished it out without invitation? I've been there, and in today's episode, it's me Nikki and I get real about the complexity of parenting as we wade through a sea of opinions and advice. Listen to my candid reflections on the beautiful mess that is raising children—where my partner Ian and I grapple with blending our distinct parenting styles, and the delicate balance between firmness and fairness becomes our dance floor. This heart-to-heart isn't just about my story; it's an invitation to honor your unique parenting path and to embrace the diversity that makes each family's journey special.
The world is our classroom—quite literally. Our story took a turn towards the extraordinary when we chose to educate our children through the lens of world cultures. As we chronicled our transition from a conventional UK life to globe-trotting with purpose, I peel back the layers of our world-schooling adventure, from Europe to potential horizons in Central America, America, Canada, or Southeast Asia. I open up about the family's collective decision-making and the media's spotlight, which brought both support and scrutiny. Through it all, I celebrate the robust growth and global perspective our children are gaining, making this episode a profound look at how one ordinary family is crafting an exceptional educational tapestry—one country at a time.
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Life In A Can - For all the travel adventures
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10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Quick, pass me the wipes. Hi and welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine, the podcast for parents who maybe want to live life a little bit differently from the norm. Maybe you want to travel more as a family or just explore new possibilities. The norm Maybe you want to travel more as a family or just explore new possibilities. Maybe you have family dreams you want to achieve, or maybe you just want to be surrounded by people who remind you that when life throws a load of parenting crap at you, that wet wipes or wine is usually the answer.
Speaker 2:I'm your host, nikki Collinson-Phoenix, and each week, I'll be bringing you real life stories from my own parenting journey. I'll also be welcoming guests to share theirs, as well as introducing you to new ideas, thoughts, tips and tricks from my little black book of awesome people. Welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine. Too early for wine. Today's episode is sponsored by the amazon number one best-selling book, wanderlust calling the ultimate guide to world schooling and full-time family travel. Available in paperback and on the kindle, you can grab your copy at wwwlifeinacancom.
Speaker 1:Welcome to today's episode of Wet Wipes and Wine. And today you've just got me Sorry about that, you've just got to listen to my dulcet tones and I wanted to spend this episode talking about something that has come up in the last 24 hours and I thought it really raises a lot of discussion debate I don't know whether it's ranting or opinions. I thought it would be really really good to just kind of share with you and explore some of what on earth this is all about. Now, if you can remember those of you who have been pregnant and when you're pregnant for that first time, how many people well, I guess, to be fair, it's not just when you're pregnant for your first time how many people give you unrequested advice on your pregnancy and everything because they just assume you have absolutely no idea what you're doing. I mean, the truth is, you do have absolutely no idea what you're doing, but so often people want to impart advice that you haven't asked for, and actually I just want to make it really clear. Let's just get this one out, that's. I just suddenly thought everyone's thinking she's pregnant, not pregnant. That shit has sailed, um, but only funny thing has happened recently. But what that whole experience has is.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be completely honest when I look back, when I was younger, I possibly was somebody that would give unrequested advice and in my vain attempt I thought I was actually helping somebody. And I'm fairly certain if I was to look back, there will be times when someone was probably saying inwardly to themselves I wasn't actually asking for your advice, nick, why can't you just shut the fuck up and just leave me alone and let me get on with whatever it was, whether it was work or life or anything like that and it would have been done. I would have given advice to the best intention. So most people do. Most people make assumptions, and it's certainly when I was pregnant, and it was just relentless people who had an opinion about what I was doing or how I was doing it, or whether it was by the book or correct or how it was done. That's not how you do things or this is how we did things and that you'd be sitting thinking, just shut up. And so certainly that was a big wake-up call to trying to be a lot better about not giving advice unless somebody has asked for it. I can't say that I'm a complete. I've got that completely. So if you're listening to this and you're like Nikki. You have so given me advice in the past I didn't ask for then. I'm putting it out there now that I'm sorry and it was not intentional.
Speaker 1:What I have been a lot more mindful of over the last few years is saying to people, if they're talking to me about something, is taking the moment to say would you like my thoughts on that? You know, would you like any advice? Can I give you any advice? Would that be helpful? And try not to dive in.
Speaker 1:And what's really interesting is when people who don't know you like to judge you and like to make assumptions about you and the way that you parent in particular, which is really interesting because, you know, the fact is we all parent in totally different ways, right? No one got the parenting manual because one. There isn't a foolproof parenting manual that gets it all right. We all come to this parenting place from totally different angles. We come from totally different places and very much how we were parented can roll into the parent we become either repeating similar things that we liked, repeating similar things that we didn't like, but just ending up repeating negative patterns, but also learning from things in the past that we didn't like and going. You know what, when I'm going to be a parent, I'm possibly not going to do that, because I thought that was really shitty when I was a kid.
Speaker 1:So we do come to it from different angles, like even Ian and I will parent in quite different ways. We both had quite dysfunctional childhoods but we were also parented quite differently. So I was parented quite with an awful lot of freedom. Some would say too much freedom. I think if I was to look back I'd probably say there was Tad too much freedom. Luckily I didn't get into too much trouble. Ian was sort of parented with like an iron rod really, and so he's quite strict, whereas I'm probably out of the two, he's definitely the most strict out of the two of us, but I kind of come from it as a firm but fair. How would I like to be, how would I have liked to be parented, and I kind of do it that way. So even though you know we're both parents, we parent in quite different ways and I'm sure if you're looking at how you parent, you probably parent very differently. And when we're traveling and meeting other families, the ways people parent and the choices that parents make for those kids varies dramatically, like.
Speaker 1:I even sit there wondering sometimes about the role of being a teacher, right? So I look at like a teacher in a school. You've got 30 kids rocking up at the school, right, and you're this one teacher with your 30 kids and you've got to hang out with them for so many hours a day, monday to Friday. Each one of these kids has been parented totally differently. So you've got 30 kids parented in 30 different ways and this one teacher has got to find some little common pathway through the middle of that, to find some common ground where they can connect, resonate, educate, hang out and just be with these kids for so many hours a day. And I really, really take my hat off to teachers because I just don't think I could do that, and it's only actually when I became a parent I really, truly appreciated what you're doing as a teacher, right? So you've got this whole thing about people parenting in different ways and there isn't a rule book and there isn't one way that works. It's all about how you would like to parent and your journey as a parent, how you want to bring your kids up and, of course, as long as you're not bringing your kids up to be little shits or criminals or anything like that. You know, you do you. You know, go and choose the path that you want to have as a parent and with your children, as long as the end result is that you have raised pretty decent human beings. How you actually do that journey is 100% your call.
Speaker 1:So the last couple 48, 24, 48 hours have been really interesting because we world school. So we are traveling full-time as a family. We've been doing it, for we're in our third year. We haven't always world school. We, the kids, were in traditional schools in the uk for rafers in preschool, lani was in primary school and that was our life for a considerable period of time. And then we decided that we wanted something different as a family. We discussed it with the kids. Rafe was obviously that little bit younger, but Lani was very much like yes, I totally want to go traveling and have an adventure. So we decided to go and embark on our big travel adventure. We decided to go and embark on our big travel adventure, so we left in September 2021, and we have been traveling ever since, having an absolute blast. So we've been all around Europe. We have lots of Europe still to go, but we are now looking to maybe have an explore over in Central America and America, canada or maybe Southeast Asia.
Speaker 1:So the first part has been very focused on Europe and it's been amazing, and we always said that we would continue to do it as long as the kids were happy. So when we first decided to go off and do this, it was to try and see could we go for a year to a year and a half. But when we hit a year and a half we realized that we didn't want it to stop. So that's why we kept going and as long as everyone was happy and on the same page, we would keep going. And that's still where we're at right now.
Speaker 1:If at any point one of the kids or me or Ian started saying do you know what? Not feeling this right now or not feeling it for the future, we would get together as a family and we evaluate and discuss how can we make some changes so that everyone's happy. Everyone's happiness is the most important bit. But I also recognize that my kids were in a small village school on the Isle of Wight, which was a lovely village school, I want to stress, but quite limiting in sort of global views and cultural awareness and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Life is quite rinse and repeat and, as somebody that has traveled in the past and my husband has traveled in the past we knew the value of travel. We knew the value of being able to give them this opportunity to go and see the world at a young age, to then have a taster of it so that when they were older maybe they would go off and do their own longer and bigger travel adventures, or maybe they wouldn't, but just to go and give them this opportunity. We thought this would be really great and it has been amazing. But what's happened is is over the last few months in particular, we've had journalists that have been interested in our story because we're a little bit more visible online and people have had connections with other people who have said oh, you need to go and speak to Nikki, that's. You know they're doing, they're traveling or they're world schooling. So we've had a reasonable amount of media interest in the last 10 months being on TV and various national newspapers in the UK, and a lot of it has been around the concept of world schooling, the concept of traveling as a family come from different angles. You know it could be around cost of living or it could be around education, whatever it is, and it's really nice to think that our story and journey could inspire other people, to think that it's possible for them too, because that would be lovely to think that we could also inspire other people. Because we really are nobody special. We're just people that lived in a semi-detached house in the UK who just wanted something different and decided to make it happen and that's it. We're not wealthy, we're really not anything special. We just are people that had a dream and we made it a goal and we made it happen. We hit the goal.
Speaker 1:Now, when the paper, when these articles have gone out, I know people say don't read the comments. I am somebody that, as much as I try, I don't go near the comments. Nikki, I do. I do go to the comments and it's been quite interesting because actually most of the newspapers we've been in, which have been quite traditional, everyday newspapers, there's not really been that many comments and if they have, they've been pretty tame, to be honest. Obviously, some people saying that looks really great, some people not, but nothing too major, maybe even just like a handful of comments.
Speaker 1:Yesterday we appeared in a broadsheet newspaper, one of the bigger national newspapers, big in size of paper as well. We weren't actually aware it was going in. Yesterday I literally had somebody send me a link and go well, I've just seen you in the newspaper and so I was quite surprised, because sometimes it would. Usually we get a bit of a read, but we clearly were not getting a read for this one. But what they did say is that they would have to link, which is lovely, because if you are going to have an article go out on a national paper, if they can put a link in, then that's a lovely bonus. So I knew obviously that there was an article being put out. I had no idea that it had gone out, I hadn't proofread it or anything. So the article goes out, I go to read it.
Speaker 1:There is some things that are not quite accurate, as is anything when you don't get to pre-fit. Somewhere in there they wanted some pictures and there's a picture of us on a boat trip and somewhere in there in the wording it is mentioned that we've also been traveling by boat. Luckily it's just a tiny bit, because we absolutely have not traveled by boat. We have obviously been on a ship to get from one country to the other and we have had some day boat trips, but we are certainly not world schooling on a boat. But there you go, you have to kind of take the rough with the smooth with that, and if you don't get a read, you have to go with it. And there was nothing glaringly horrific, just a few things that weren't quite accurate, but there was 148 comments and I was like whoa.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we've just taken a little break from today's show so that I can tell you a little bit about Global Trailblazing, our ultimate online youth club for young and intrepid global trailblazers age 5 to 14. A place for them to learn, grow, connect, give back and have fun with fellow trailblazers from all around the world. They can complete fun learning quests and earn badges from any of our six core learning banners, which are life skills, kindness and compassion, purpose, travel and adventure, innovation and the world around us. They can make new global friends, hang out online, maybe hop on a video call or work together on quests through our bespoke social network. They can get access to amazing live workshops and support disadvantaged children around the world through our Global Trailblazing Foundation. This is truly the global club your child needs to be in. So let us help you nurture their path in life to find it in their own unique and wonderful way. Why not try us out for yourself For more information?
Speaker 2:just visit wwwglobaltrailblazingcom.
Speaker 1:Not used to this many comments at all. So the little head's going. Nikki, don't read the comments, don't read the comments. Nikki has to go and read the comments. And it was fascinating, to be honest, to read the comments. I had to join the newspaper on a free trial in order to actually read the article, but it also gave me the ability to reply to comments. So I spent last night just replying to comments and I found it quite funny really really, because what was really interesting is there were lots of people that were very positive, people that had traveled themselves in the past, people who would like to travel, people who weren't able to but could totally see the value in it. So really lovely comments.
Speaker 1:And then you get the keyboard warriors. Then you get the keyboard warriors, then you get the ones that we are being selfish parents. We're obviously really rich, we clearly don't work, we're damaging our children, you know we are providing them with a substandard life and they're going to fail for the rest of their life and it's going to be on our heads that they are going to come to nothing in their life. And you're just like oh, my goodness, like I have always made quite an assumption that this particular broadsheet is one that is relatively read by educated people, and what's been really interesting is actually seeing that there's so many uneducated people who are actually reading this newspaper because their blinkered views on education and how to educate. Firstly, their blinkered views and ignorance on how you educate a child and the fact that the belief that the only education that child can have is in a brick and mortar classroom, that that is it, and if that child is not attending a brick and mortar classroom, then they are getting a substandard education. That came through very clearly in lots of the comments that we are damaging them because we have taken them out of school or out of traditional school, I might add.
Speaker 1:What we actually do with our schooling is we mix up online learning. So Lani does live online lessons, so she's following the British curriculum with a live teacher and a live classroom and that works really well for her. She's not the greatest with self-directed learning, so having a timetable in the morning, having live lessons, hanging out with classmates and actually having a teacher that's not me works really well for her and she's been doing that for two and a half years and she she loves her online schooling. It's great and it's a constant. Second anchor that, even though geographically we move around, that is an anchor that's always consistent and Rafe does predominantly home educating because he's six, and so we mix that up with some online resources, workbooks, stuff ourselves that we create and obviously, between the pair of them, we're also educating them on language and culture and visiting places and learning as we go on budgets, different currencies, you know, countries, geography, the history of different countries, so many many different things, as well as the making loads of friends and having the socializing side, and our kids are actually thriving Like they are very ahead.
Speaker 1:Definitely Rafe is ahead of where he would be if he had been in his little village school. Without a doubt he is ahead and we're able to then move his educational level because we're in control of it. So he's six, but we have him probably working at around an eight because that's where he, if we're doing work, that's set for six-year-olds, he's like mum, this is too easy and I'm really bored. So we pitch at around eight, which means he's actually got to think a little bit and he's he's learning and he's thriving on it and we're able to just shift those. We don't have to ask permission or anything like that, we just move it according to where he is and when he's a little bit older, maybe he you know, if we're still traveling maybe he will go on to um live online lessons. He has shown that he would quite like to do that and then maybe in the future, maybe they may decide. You know, actually, mom, dad, we'd quite like to go into a mainstream school, and then we'll have that conversation. Rafe has been into a small kindergarten in Turkey and he was also in Bulgaria and he's loved that as well.
Speaker 1:So we've really mixed up his different educational stuff and the kids are thriving. They are rounded, they have a really good global perspective. They're so confident, they have really good values. They give back, they just are. I mean, I know they're my kids, but I just want to say that they are really, really, really good kids, and there is not one part of them that has been held back by our world-schooling adventures. Quite the opposite. They are literally thriving way beyond what I could have even imagined they would be doing, and so it's really interesting when you get these educated people in inverted commas who are making very sweeping statements about how damaging we are being to our children and how they are going to come to absolutely nothing and how we're destroying their future by the selfish life that we're living right now.
Speaker 1:And the thing is is it can be very easy for you to take other people's opinions on how you are raising your kids. It's very easy to take it to heart and to be affected by it, and I was worried when I started to go into the comments, hearing this little voice going don't read the comments, don't read the that. You know. There's keyboard warriors in there. There's people in there who are ignorant and blinkers, who have no idea the reality of what world schooling is and how that can look for a family and all the different ways it can look and how wonderful it can be and how enriching it can be for children and for families. And so you have to go in there knowing people just have no clue. But the funny thing is is they think they do. They think they know what's best for my kids and they think they know that it's not the life we're giving them. They think that being in a bricks and mortar school is what's best for my kids. And, as I say, I'm not dissing the bricks and mortar education, and at some point my kids may well go back into it. I'm just saying that at this point in time it wasn't what we wanted for them, but it's certainly not giving them a substandard existence for education.
Speaker 1:Someone did put on oh, you must be, you must be really rich, because that is another misconception. Actually, our travels cost way less than our living costs in the uk and they put you must be really rich. It was really great because I wrote back saying, yes, we are really rich, not in money, but in love, in time with our kids, in quality time with our kids, in experiences, in adventures, in our kids, in experiences, in adventures, in memories, in being in the present moment. Yes, we are very rich. And so I just wanted to kind of talk about the fact that, whether you're listening to this and you have a family that is traveling world, schooling, maybe you're thinking about it, or maybe you just you home educate, or maybe you do something a little bit different from the normal, or maybe you don't, maybe your kids are 100% following mainstream education. I just want to remind you you do you right? You do. You.
Speaker 1:Doesn't matter what anybody else's opinions are on how you choose to raise your children or how you choose to educate your children, as long as you can, hand on heart, go. I'm doing the best of my ability and I look at my kids and I am raising decent human beings Then you do you, you follow the path. That is your path as a parent. That may be completely different to mine, and good for you. You know, your right as a parent is to raise these children in the way that you see fit, based on your own version of parenting. And, as I say, as long as it involves raising decent human beings, then go for it and do whatever it is. And, you know, don't give any bandwidth to the people that want to give you unwarranted advice or want to give you their opinions or want to piss on your bonfire. Just do not give you that ammunition.
Speaker 1:And I feel quite proud because I believe so strongly in this that I was a bit worried if I went into the comments and I got lost in the rabbit hole that I would be kind of really down and I'd be really affected by it. I'm really you know I'm going to blow sunshine on my backside I'm really proud of the fact that actually they registered very little with me, don't get me wrong. They gave me the tiniest little dent initially and I was like, oh, am I damaging my kids? Am I really damaging my kids? And then very quickly I was like, don't be ridiculous, look at your kids. They're freaking amazing. They're having the best time. Look at their life, you know, it's incredible, the life that they're living and the happiness they're in and the present moment that we're experiencing and all the adventures and the memories. And you ask them and they're so happy and loving it.
Speaker 1:And the moment I kind of corrected myself then I was like you lot have no clue and actually all you're doing is in your supposed educated status is actually demonstrating just how ignorant and uneducated you are. So I actually took quite a bit of pleasure last night and just sitting there and politely replying to lots of the comments to just for me to impart. I figured, well, I'm not going to ask you if you want my advice, if you're whacking this out, I'm just going back in but for me to actually give you my version, which is you have no idea and you are uneducated and being ignorant in this. So yeah, I wanted to kind of show it because I think it's really interesting and from a parent perspective, we can be really affected by other people's judgment, even if it's, like you know, a family member that wants to give you their all-penny-worth opinion on something that you're doing with your kids, of which you haven't asked for, is rise above it. Rise above anyone else's opinion and, like you, just you do, you and parent in whatever way you want to do, so I'm, I'm going forth from this like going well. Thank you very much.
Speaker 1:It's a really engaging article. Um, lots of comments maybe. Maybe some of those people might you know then, people that wrote lovely comments maybe, or people that didn't even write a comment but read it, maybe they might buy the book. That's wonderful. That was just a bonus at the end of it. But ultimately, if just one person reads that article and feels inspired to think it's possible for them, it's worth every bit of the. I think it's now 220 comments, where just a minority of them are just narrow-minded, blinkered individuals.
Speaker 1:So go forth. Thanks for hanging out with me, as Nikki's had a little. Would you call it a rant or an insight, a sharing of experiences? Whatever you want to call it. Thank you for joining me today. Go forth as a parent or guardian or carer or whatever capacity you are, responsible adult for children in your world, or if you don't have children yet but they're on your radar at some point, or maybe you're looking after children, go forth and you do you and stuff what everybody else thinks because they are not living your life, and do whatever makes you and your family happy. All right, thank you for joining me. I'll catch up with you on the next episode of Wet Wipes and Wine. Take care now. Bye.