Wet Wipes And Wine
Welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine where we aim to laugh, learn, and navigate parenthood with humor! Join Nikki Collinson-Phenix and her fellow parent guests for some fun relatable stories, witty banter, and expert insights.
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Wet Wipes And Wine
#9 UNCORKED! ‘Date Night’, a few glasses of wine and a sad parenting moment.
NOTE: Christmas is discussed, not for childrens ears!
Ever tried to light a spark of romance amidst the domestic jungle that is parenting? Then you'll crack up over our makeshift Bulgarian love nest, complete with a log burner and walls that have seen better days. This episode of Wet Wipes and Wine is all about the art of keeping date night alive, even when your eyelids are staging a protest. We spill the beans on 'Lipgate'—trust me, it's a saga you won't want to miss—and how a burnt lip became an unlikely protagonist in our family chronicles.
Who knew a six-year-old could be your biggest cheerleader? As I nervously tiptoe through the book-launching battlefield, Raifs's unwavering encouragement is the unexpected wind beneath my wings. We also chat about the evolution of our date nights—from the UK to caravan escapades!
Strap in for a walk down memory lane, sprinkled with the oddities of recollection, movie debates, and the endearing mix-up of words like "deluxe." As the festive cheer inches closer, we muse over Christmas Eve traditions, sheepdog shenanigans, and the joy and heartache of fostering adorable fur-babies. From the poignant transition of Santa-skepticism to the comedy gold of our kids' verbal bloopers, this episode promises a blend of warmth, wit, and a little wine-soaked wisdom. Join us, and let's toast to the chaotic, beautiful mess of parenting!
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10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Speaker 1:Quick Pass me the wipes. Hi and welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine, the podcast for parents who maybe want to live life a little bit differently from the norm. Maybe you want to travel more as a family or just explore new possibilities. Maybe you have family dreams you want to achieve, or maybe you just want to be surrounded by people who remind you that when life throws a load of parent and crap at you, that wet wipes or wine is usually the answer. I'm your host, nikki Collins, in Phoenix, and each week I'll be bringing you real life stories from my own parenting journey. I'll also be welcoming guests to share theirs, as well as introducing you to new ideas, thoughts, tips and tricks from my little black book of awesome people. Welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine. Too early for wine, alright, and welcome to today's episode of Wet Wipes and Wine.
Speaker 2:Today's or tonight's, tonight's, tonight's, it's not today, it's a night, it's a Friday night.
Speaker 1:Do you still call it tonight? Are we still today?
Speaker 2:It's night Somewhere down the house.
Speaker 1:Day becomes night.
Speaker 2:That's when Batman comes out. Batman doesn't come out in daytime, does he? Batman comes out at night.
Speaker 1:Listen, I'm going to be really obvious. We've had some wine.
Speaker 2:There's been no wet wipes.
Speaker 1:We've had some wine, so we are recording this on a Friday night. Now, for those of you that follow our travels, you all know that we predominantly travel with Susie, the Caravan, and two kids. And two kids and one of the things let's talk about date night.
Speaker 2:Date night and I'm sure many couples have date nights if they've got kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we used to hard on that. If you watched the last episode, you all know that I burnt my lip On a potato. I'm still and do you know what? I'm still struggling.
Speaker 2:Every time she smiles or laughs or says something.
Speaker 1:Remotely interesting or funny.
Speaker 2:She's a little cocky and talks too quick. She splits her lip again.
Speaker 1:The stripping lip is taking forever to heal Because you never stop talking.
Speaker 2:If you stop talking for 24 hours, it might heal up Do?
Speaker 1:you know what? You did? Say that to me. I said to him the other day. I said the only way that this is going to heal is I'm going to have to just stop talking. And you were like like Guess what.
Speaker 2:It hasn't happened. You are such an ass. She still hasn't stopped talking.
Speaker 1:I'm still going through.
Speaker 2:Lipgate.
Speaker 1:Lipgate. So anyway, back to date night. So we have tried where possible.
Speaker 2:Whenever possible.
Speaker 1:We started date night while we were still in the UK.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And because we have not had that much, we don't have parental support In the sense of we don't have people around us, and even when we were back in the UK we didn't have people to regularly have dates. No, for us to go out on a date is like maybe a Well, historically was like a twice a year.
Speaker 2:We have friends back on the Arla wide who have parents, aunties, uncles, who regularly Regularly. Regularly have the kids. We just don't.
Speaker 1:And we don't, and we don't.
Speaker 2:So we have to go out of our way to no, no no, you're coming forward.
Speaker 1:You're getting too far forward. I'm going back to the Arla wide. So we installed date night. Yes, now our version of date night is we are still in the house, but the kids had to be in bed by eight o'clock.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So that basically all it was was can we watch a grown up movie and drink wine?
Speaker 2:Wine back to the Chris in the movie.
Speaker 1:And we started that back in the UK. So fast forward to today. Yeah, this evening.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We have had a back of Chris. What's the movie?
Speaker 2:and some wine, yeah, but what's quite nice is that while we're here in Bulgaria, we actually have this, this. I'm going to call it house in the In bracket.
Speaker 1:No, it's just a, it's a room.
Speaker 2:It's a room In a fallen down, abandoned.
Speaker 1:So we just described this room, so we've called this room the snag.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we have installed which is going to make it sound posh.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We have installed a log burner that we bought back with us from Turkey in the corner. Yes, we have.
Speaker 2:Which, to be fair, has been our saving grace, because, it's been bloody freezing at times it's been, it's been really really cold days and nights.
Speaker 1:But I'm sat here now and unfortunately this is not being recorded on any kind of YouTube, so you're not going to see this, okay now, and I'm looking at like serious cracks in the wall that you have just filled with expanding foam, what do you say? A crack.
Speaker 2:It's only like three, four inches wide. That you just. It's a hairline crack and it only goes from the ceiling to the floor.
Speaker 1:It's not like it's even structural. So I've sat here on our free, safer from Marketplace with our donated table and our donated cushions and our donated carpet.
Speaker 2:Looking at these minor structural cracks that are filled with expanded foam Expanding foam is like the best invention of the 21st century.
Speaker 1:And the ceiling above. Because this house was used as a kindergarten. The ceiling above is what was like the classroom-y type things. The ceiling above just drops on your head regularly.
Speaker 2:If anyone's listening to this, listen to our last podcast. Oh, it happened while we were filming, some of the ceiling fell down on top of us whilst we were doing the last podcast.
Speaker 1:So what we did this time now, though, is you have stapled plastics, a big sheet of. I want you to pitch this right. A room, let's just go 12 by 12, right? It's kind of like the size of a stable, it's 3.6 metres by 3.6. Let's just go 12 by 12.
Speaker 2:I'm metric it's 3.6 metres.
Speaker 1:And plastic stapled to the ceiling to catch the Well, you say ceiling.
Speaker 2:There's no ceiling there, it's just the beams.
Speaker 1:Staple to the beams, cracks with expanding foam, all our donated stuff, the curtain at the window, which isn't a window per se, it's a window rectangle but it's got poly-carb up that we've shoved up.
Speaker 2:Double glazed poly-carb.
Speaker 1:Let it be known, we have double glazed poly-carb.
Speaker 2:I don't want to shut the shutters. I don't want to shut the shutters.
Speaker 1:With a blanket up and we are living the high life too.
Speaker 2:Do you know what?
Speaker 1:Are we like pigs in shit?
Speaker 2:or what 18-year-old paint flaking off the walls?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but do you know what? Are we like pigs in shit? We are, we are. But anyway, where we were going with this is the kids in the caravan. I hopefully they'll sleep. We did give them permission to watch a movie.
Speaker 2:They have reached the age Popcorn.
Speaker 1:Popcorn movie, then Go to Bed. We're sat in here in this one room. We've managed to budget Budget, haven't we the?
Speaker 2:door doesn't even fit.
Speaker 1:The door doesn't fit, I mean at any point, the entire ceiling could literally cave in on us.
Speaker 2:You're confident? I think the whole house could cave in, the whole building.
Speaker 1:But they were warm because the log burners were. So we're here and we're having date night because it's Friday, and so we have this rule that has now continued Because we've been on the way two and a half years and we started this before then and that it's date night. And I was really good this time because quite a lot of the Fridays when we had date night, the kids they just piss around. It's like all the other six nights, they're not too bad. Friday night pain in the arses. They stole.
Speaker 1:We're not going to go to bed. We're going to be a real blue learn.
Speaker 2:Can you do this? Can you flap my hair? I need a cuddle.
Speaker 1:Everything there, isn't it? And we sit there going eight o'clock, then all of a sudden there's nine o'clock, then it's half nine and then we're practically falling asleep.
Speaker 2:Then we put something on and within 10 minutes you'll snore in a night.
Speaker 1:Can we just be honest? What was it we watched yesterday and I fell asleep.
Speaker 2:Yesterday.
Speaker 1:It was only yesterday. They all, god, what did we watch? We didn't watch anything yesterday. We did so yesterday. No, yesterday was Thursday, never. We watched a movie. What did we watch? I fell asleep watching.
Speaker 2:Oh, it was a kids film, wasn't it, boss Baby?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah Boss, baby yeah Boss.
Speaker 2:Baby won.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I fell asleep. I'm absolutely hanging out my arse at the moment. By the time you listen to this, I will have launched my book, but right now, as I'm recording this, I have not released the book. You've written a book.
Speaker 2:I've written a book. You never mentioned that. Do you know what that is secret?
Speaker 1:Do you know what husband, I've written a?
Speaker 2:book no.
Speaker 1:Wow. But do you know what? In the process of writing that book, finishing that book, launching that book, I am hanging out my arse.
Speaker 2:What did Rave say to you tonight?
Speaker 1:Oh bless him. He said he was so proud of me.
Speaker 2:So, even though the book hasn't officially been released yet, but it will have done, it will have done. It's actually out there in the ether.
Speaker 1:Ether of Amazon.
Speaker 2:And Nikki's ordered herself a copy. She's got to order one to get it kind of the ball rolling. So she ordered one and had it posted to her mum's. Her mum said parcels arrived for you on a video call so she went and opened it. And she opened it and it's her new book Back in the UK.
Speaker 1:Back in the.
Speaker 2:UK Rave off his own back, turned around to her, went Mummy, mummy, I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm so happy for you, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm so happy. I'm so happy for you, I'm so proud of you how old?
Speaker 1:Six years old. How cool is that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's a dude.
Speaker 1:How cool is that Well, he's a little shit, but he is a dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's so cool. He gets his cuteness from me and he gets his he is.
Speaker 1:He is so cool. So yeah, basically I'm hanging out my backside, so I'm sitting there watching a kids movie at seven o'clock, seven half seven yeah, it's the usual thing, isn't it?
Speaker 2:At seven half seven, eight o'clock, you absolutely can't keep your eyes open. You get the kids to bed, you get into bed yourself, and then I'm way to awake.
Speaker 1:What was that? On this safer as we speak, last night watching Boss Baby all four of us.
Speaker 2:And then we go, let's have Tyre Dew work. We were watching the caravan.
Speaker 1:No, we watched it here. We were watching the caravan, panic, we were watching it in the caravan, I thought we did, yeah, we did, we did.
Speaker 2:We weren't even in here. That's how tired you were.
Speaker 1:Mate, I've had a couple of glasses of wine now. Yeah, anyway. Watched it in the caravan yeah, fell asleep, yeah, for most of the movie. Luckily, I've seen Boss Baby a hundred times, yeah, so I knew what was going on. Fell asleep yeah, you're right. I went to bed, clipped bloody sleep After we'd fed the puppies and sorted them out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they get you blast of freezing cold air.
Speaker 1:Anyway, so date night.
Speaker 2:Date night. Back to date night. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So we have maintained date night.
Speaker 2:We've tried to not always with such a.
Speaker 1:Our plan with date night is basically kids. Well, when they were young, when they were young guy, it was kids go to sleep and bed at eight o'clock, yeah. And now we've made a deal with them. Now we've got, and so we used to in the caravan for the last couple of years. What we've done is we bought these. So our Susie caravan has yeah, susie, caravan has this like concertina partition Concertina, concertina.
Speaker 1:That's a word I don't know if that in years A concertina partition that separates kind of the bunk beds and the living area from our bed, yeah, and then we bought this About two millimeters thick, is it even that? But you know what? It's actually quite good there, because when you open it you can feel a temperature difference. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's better than you think, isn't it? So we bought this. To be honest, it was shit, isn't it the plug thing we got with these supposed to TV headphones.
Speaker 1:They were crap, but anyway. So for the last two and a half years, while we've been traveling, we've tried to maintain date night and the rule has been eight o'clock to bed, so that we can just watch a grown-up movie and drink wine.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And just it's just basically hang out and just be grown-ups, isn't it Because?
Speaker 2:the rest of the time we're watching.
Speaker 1:Not that we watch tons of TV, because we really don't, but if we do, it's kid stuff.
Speaker 2:And just for a couple of hours, pretend you don't have kids. This is.
Speaker 1:But now that they're a little bit older, the last few weeks they've actually requested because we've had the inverted quote snug, yeah, they've asked that if they were in the caravan can they watch a movie. And so last week, in that they wanted to watch a movie and then when we'd finished watching our stuff here in the snug, we went over to the caravan to go bed and they were actually asleep. It was really good, wasn't it?
Speaker 2:Well, the best.
Speaker 1:Lani was a little bit awake.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's normally still reading a book or something.
Speaker 1:So tonight we've done the same thing, haven't we? We've sent, They've been watching a Lego movie.
Speaker 2:OK, they've got popcorn.
Speaker 1:I surprised them with popcorn. I had a big mum win on that, yeah, yeah yeah. I just felt like being, I just felt like being a good mum, Like getting a mum, like little you know, like one of those little awards for like mum-ness.
Speaker 2:You're by far a better parent than me.
Speaker 1:That's because you're just a moody person.
Speaker 2:I just give them a piece of coal and an apple.
Speaker 1:You're just grumpy. You are the stereotypical grumpy dad. Do you know that? That's my job. That's my job title. Sit there and go. I reckon that I come under firm but fair. You come under moody bastard, but that's a dad's job title. It is, it's not the dad's job.
Speaker 2:Grumpy dad.
Speaker 1:Seriously Grumpy dad.
Speaker 2:Grumpy dad, why don't you break the mould? No, no, no, why. Why break a tradition? A thousand, you've got a tradition.
Speaker 1:A 2,000. Do you know what it is? 5,000-year-old tradition. Do you know what it is? It's a natural gift that you have. You don't even need to try Exactly, that's fine.
Speaker 2:They love me more. We all have some natural talents, and being a grumpy bastard is my natural talent.
Speaker 1:It just means they love me more. Anyway. So I because I'm obviously cool, mum, and you're just a grumpy bastard I surprised them with bowls of popcorn, one salt, one sugar, because that's how they like it. So I've got a mum win tonight.
Speaker 2:But do you know what that means? That means our bed is full of popcorn.
Speaker 1:No, I did put down the rules. It's about salt, sugar or popcorn in the bed, but I guess we'll find out in a minute.
Speaker 2:I'm sleeping on the sofa.
Speaker 1:Anyway, but we have, where possible, done date. We have maintained date night, even if it was like, even when we so. A few weeks ago, two or three weeks ago it was so freaking cold that Suzy Caravan just gave up she was just like you are taking the piss out of me. I cannot function at minus 10.
Speaker 2:Bro, solid, didn't you?
Speaker 1:So we actually all moved into the snub because this sofa that we got of Marketplace for nothing I want to distress.
Speaker 2:Bulgaria is not big on secondhand stuff, oh my goodness, secondhand stuff sells for nearly as much as brand new.
Speaker 1:But anyway, we managed to get this sofa free, which then turned out to be a sofa bed, which was awesome, which we didn't know, yeah. That when it then hit minus 10, we decamped into here, didn't we?
Speaker 2:I'm sitting here for like three, four, five nights.
Speaker 1:Two of us on the sofa bed, two of us on the air bed ceiling falling on us during the night which was you know hashtag, keeping it real. But we even maintained date night then, Do you remember? So, we Do. You know what. You are such a knob.
Speaker 2:I'm being honest. At least I'm always honest. I might be a knob, but I'm an honest knob.
Speaker 1:You're my knob, aren't you? So anyway, just reminding you husband, we did date night in here Because we did a round robin in the beds. And then there was the Friday night.
Speaker 2:It was me and Wraith on the air bed front. Then we moved along, then me and Lani on the bed second night.
Speaker 1:I never had the air bed.
Speaker 2:I got the sofa for it.
Speaker 1:I didn't. I didn't get the air bed. No, I'm the queen. Because you're a princess? No, I'm not a princess.
Speaker 2:No, you're a princess, I'm the queen. You're a princess.
Speaker 1:I did not get the air bed, and so we timed date night that we were in here on the safer bed and we still plugged into the laptop with the headphones while the kids slept on the air bed. So we have still tried, where possible, to maintain date night, and so tonight we've had date night wine. A bit of wine, yeah, and tonight we watched a. Really it's an old movie, but one that you wanted to watch. I don't think it was that old.
Speaker 2:I know it was set in 1990., it is old. Oh OK.
Speaker 1:I mean like maybe 15 years. No, yeah, it is Really yeah. You'll have to get your phone now and see.
Speaker 2:Give me a give me a.
Speaker 1:Give me a. So tell people. I'm going to find the year you. Tell people what we just watched Monster.
Speaker 2:Not the energy drink Monster, as in one of the greatest African actresses, she's so pretty. Anything, she's hot. She's charlene Theron.
Speaker 1:She is really hot. I mean as a heterosexual female. She's hot.
Speaker 2:As in monsters, in like the serial killer slash prostitute, slash victim of sexual abuse. It was a very good film actually.
Speaker 1:The thing is, though I know you're saying that you've never watched it before I haven't. I honestly haven't. We have totally watched it before.
Speaker 2:I honestly, 100% I've got a short memory that there's a few things.
Speaker 1:No, there's an abundance of life.
Speaker 2:you forgot, okay there's an abundance of life that I forgot why have you got a short memory because? But there's two things.
Speaker 1:Hold on. Why have you got a short memory in your opinion? You've sought medical. They reckon it's like rugby.
Speaker 2:The medical experts tell me it's one too many concussions.
Speaker 1:Now, I just think you use it as an excuse.
Speaker 2:From rugby years and years and years and years and years of playing rugby 2003. It's only 21 years old Okay, yeah, doctor say from too many years of playing rugby and rugby, bicycle crashes, motorbike crashes, just being a boy fighting stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Anyways, a good movie though.
Speaker 2:Moving on Good movie.
Speaker 1:So tonight we were talking. We sit there and we talk in the castle times when we're doing our cross country long drives and we suddenly talk about. Cross Continent. Oh yeah, in Turkey we're a cross continent, yeah. So we talk about things and we go like, oh, we haven't watched that movie and you were convinced you hadn't seen that movie. Now I know we've watched that movie.
Speaker 2:As I was going back, short memory a lot of things I don't remember. Two things I remember in life. One is directions.
Speaker 1:Where are we going? Our wedding day in the birth of our children, oh?
Speaker 2:no, I can't remember those Directions and movies watched. I have never in my life watched that movie.
Speaker 1:I swear to God, you've watched that movie. You've watched that movie. You can swear to any coach who wants it. I literally can picture ourselves on the sofa in the UK watching that movie.
Speaker 2:Must have been another man, no another man. Must have been another man, because I ain't watched that film ever.
Speaker 1:It was you and you've watched that movie?
Speaker 2:No, I haven't, but moving on.
Speaker 1:You can't even remember what you ate yesterday, but I can remember films, directions and films. Our music, now music.
Speaker 2:Directions, films and music. I know.
Speaker 1:Films no, no, no, no, no. But do you know what Films are a Christmas? I introduce you to a really old film. It's a wonderful life, black and white.
Speaker 2:Are they all black and whitey?
Speaker 1:Wasn't it cool? Yeah, it was. Even you got a little bit nostalgic about that film. You like that movie. It was like a feel good thing.
Speaker 2:We watched it again in 10 years time, on another Christmas.
Speaker 1:It was a real feel good movie, yeah, anyway. So, so we're just going to take a little break on today's episode so that I can share with you something that's really important to me, because it might well be important to you, and that is my book. It's called Wonderlust, calling the Ultimate Guide to World Scaling and Full Time Family Travel. So if you're a family or a parent that is loving the idea of maybe taking your family on some full time travel adventures and embracing the world as your global classroom, then this book is for you. It was amazing that it went to Amazon number one in several categories and I'm so thrilled that I finally got everything out of my head and into print. And it's available on Kindle or in paperback on Amazon and you can grab it through our website, wwwlifeinnecancom Forward slash books. And while you're over there on the website, if it's also of interest to you, for absolutely free, you can download my 100 paid 12 week family travel planner. Just go and grab it, it's there, you can have it for free.
Speaker 2:Moving on.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we've had.
Speaker 2:We're supposed to be talking about.
Speaker 1:We've had no date night. We decided we'd talk about something tonight, something that's happened this evening. I told Ian about and I came in after like setting.
Speaker 2:Quick Going back to Christmas movies, going back to Christmas.
Speaker 1:So tonight it's February when we're recording this and there has been a significant life event that's happened tonight.
Speaker 2:You've been punched in the gut.
Speaker 1:I have been punched in the gut by my 12 year old daughter.
Speaker 2:She ripped your heart. She has I did.
Speaker 1:I said to you like my heart has been broken this evening and Ian was like what's happened? So tonight Lani informed me. So Santa bought Lani a key ring that went with the gift that he got her at Christmas, which was her Super Mario game for her Switch.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And her gift was labelled via a key ring with an L on it, which she was very happy about, which she has now moved over to her little handbag that she is taking with her tomorrow for her day at the mall, and that's a whole. Another thing that's happening tomorrow. Tomorrow is Ian is taking Lani and a friend to a shopping mall for them to have some girl time without parental supervision.
Speaker 2:I'm supervised in public Supervised in.
Speaker 1:Bulgaria to a shopping mall which is a whole another area of her. Oh my God, the kids are growing up and I hate it, but anyway, isn't it funny.
Speaker 2:She's doing this at the age of 12 and we're both shitting ourselves, but we did it when we were probably at six. I know, I know.
Speaker 1:We have talked about how un-parently supervised we were at very young ages, yeah, but you know, at 12, I just sit there, I don't, I just, I just I don't want her to grow up. But anyway, she's growing up. And tonight was a classic. When Rafe was in here with you in the snug and I was with Lani in the caravan and she's asking me, she suddenly said to me I really like that key ring, key ring from Santa. Should I really really like that key ring? Where did you get it? And I said to her well, I didn't get it for you. Santa gave it to you. And then she went mum, it's okay, I know. And I said know what? And she went I know, you're.
Speaker 2:Santa. So what she's saying? You're big fat, jolly red.
Speaker 1:She's saying you're a big fat Jolly red guy.
Speaker 2:Who's saying you need a shave and a diet?
Speaker 1:I mean to be fair. I'm glad I got I got it to 12, but he is a bit gutting, isn't it? He is a bit gutting, but do you know what was really sweet? As afterwards she said to me you did a really good job, mum. She said you were a really, really good Santa, and I mean that meant something, but internally, absolutely gutted.
Speaker 2:No, no, I must be.
Speaker 1:I knew it was coming and I knew she's been kind of building up to it. I felt like she'd been building up to it after this last Christmas.
Speaker 2:But a couple of Christmas. Now, she's like questioned, hasn't she?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's been a question of is there really are you? I'm not quite sure.
Speaker 1:She didn't want to let go of the magic either.
Speaker 2:That the problem is every. Christmas, we watch Christmas movies, and every Christmas movie is more or less based along the fact of some young teenage kid questioning whether Santa's real or not isn't it, I know.
Speaker 1:but you know, I kind of feel I've got real mixed feelings, like part of me is like absolutely gutted. It's a little bit of me slightly relieved because for the last couple of years, while she's been in her I'm not 100% sure it's like having some kind of Sherlock Holmes at Christmas, isn't it? It's like she's been trying to catch us out or 20, question us or I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's been like you know that she's on the cusp and she's been. I just want to test this out or ask some questions. So you've almost been a bit hyper vigilant. So there's a little bit of me that's like, oh, thank goodness.
Speaker 2:But then I don't play this game anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. But then I did say to her you know, you have to, you have to still play along for a magic for a raffy and she said, yeah, I will. And I said like let's not spoil it for him, but it is a bit, it is kind of one of those I don't know pivotal pivotal points in life where you're just going, you don't have to keep up the act anymore, but you're sad that the act is over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I'll be more gutted when Rayfee does it. So Rayfee's six. So we've got a few years, hopefully a good few Christmases, still to go.
Speaker 2:He's a clever little chap.
Speaker 1:But just, it's just a little bit gutting tonight, isn't it the final? She literally just said I know it's you and I had to sit there.
Speaker 2:I wonder how long she's known for, or did she know? Was she just testing you?
Speaker 1:I just I kiddin. Okay, she's 12 years old, she's 12 and a half years old, nearly 12 and a half. I couldn't sit there and try and do that. It'd be so stupid. Like she was very obviously saying Mum, you need to like.
Speaker 2:Let it go. Let it go.
Speaker 1:Let it go. Let it go, I'm good, but do you know what was nice, though? What the nicest bit was her actually saying to me?
Speaker 2:You were good.
Speaker 1:I was a good Santa.
Speaker 2:You were a good fat Jolly bloke.
Speaker 1:I was a good Santa, I pulled it off, okay.
Speaker 2:Well done.
Speaker 1:Because, let's be honest, when it comes to Christmas and the presents and all of that, how much involvement do you have in that?
Speaker 2:You know what? Every year I love seeing that joke or that meme or whatever. Where it is like. You know what I love about Christmas is Dad being just as surprised as the kids about what he got them for Christmas.
Speaker 1:That is literally you, isn't it? On Christmas Day, the kids go like oh my God, that's amazing and you're just like. I have never seen that before in my life, although this year I've started to get you helping with the packing and the packing, the wrapping.
Speaker 2:But like I've told you before, so when I grew up in South Africa as a teenager and a young string if and else you don't have much money you save a bit of pocket money. You kind of get your brother something cheap and nasty, whatever. Every year I'd get my dad like a box of King Edward cigars.
Speaker 1:Is your dad's face.
Speaker 2:No, it's just the thing you got. It's the kind of thing like Is your dad's face cigars? No, it's kind of thing like, like back in the 80s and that you always had a bar in the corner of your lounge. You did Well most people did I had a bowl of nuts.
Speaker 1:I saw that I remember in the corner.
Speaker 2:And there was always a box of King Edward cigars that never got touched and then like a couple of bottles of like whiskey brandy that never got touched and that kind of stuff. Anyway, I knew for a fact. Every year on Christmas Eve morning my dad would burst into my bedroom and go oh my goodness, it's Christmas Eve, I haven't got your mum anything yet. Have you got her anything? And I'd go oh no, I haven't, I forgot and I've run out of money. Quick, get in the car and we'd go downtown and we'd normally go to like a white goods place and buy two presents.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't buy her white goods.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say white goods. It wasn't like a fridge or a freezer, but I'd be like saucepans, A new hairdryer or curlers or straightener or that kind of shit, yeah, or an air fryer.
Speaker 1:So that's why the first Christmas that we met, you bought me a bloody recipe book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a vegetarian cookbook. What do you mean? A recipe book? But anyway, what I'm getting at is I never had to buy my mum presents because I knew my dad would panic on Christmas Eve morning. Every Christmas Eve morning coming, we'd go out and buy two presents One would be from him, one would be from me. That was Christmas sorted.
Speaker 1:On Christmas Eve.
Speaker 2:On Christmas Eve.
Speaker 1:And that was the only present buying that you never did yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you'd also get the cashier lady to wrap it for you as well.
Speaker 1:You lazy ass. Actually, that is an African thing. You pay the supermarket to wrap your presents. Yeah, I'm not going to lie, that is an African thing.
Speaker 2:You pay an extra pound or whatever, and they'll wrap it for you as well.
Speaker 1:I'll be honest, it does pee me off that you literally just abscond from anything to do with presents.
Speaker 2:How would you say?
Speaker 1:abscond, you don't buy anything, but I have the last couple of years I've put my foot down and said you're going to bloody well, help me wrap this stuff up. Oh yeah, and then that's the first time you're actually seeing any of it, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd like to be kind of involved.
Speaker 1:In just some basic wrapping.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, anyway, anyway, at least you do do the wrapping, but from now on, though, she has decided, though, apparently, that she's still going to go with it.
Speaker 2:So what? I hope so for rave sake.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for rave sake. So we're still going to have the stocking out. I think she said she didn't want to say anything because she didn't want, she didn't for her she said that if she didn't tell me. She told me that if she had, she said she went along with it because she thought that if she didn't she wouldn't get the Santa presents.
Speaker 2:She wouldn't get the stocking.
Speaker 1:She wouldn't have got the Mario game that she asked for our Santa for.
Speaker 2:It still cracks my heart. So both the kids wanted this Mario card eight deluxe.
Speaker 1:Deluxe. What's that I was going to?
Speaker 2:say so, rave, where he's six, and he's still learning to read them, and he's a very good reader, but he reads it quite phonetically. So to him it's not deluxe, it's julux, isn't it, but deluxe is not spelled with a D-U.
Speaker 1:Well, how does it spell D-E, d-u-x, is it? Yeah, deluxe.
Speaker 2:I can't spell.
Speaker 1:That's why I keep saying to you all the time I'm like it's not julux, it's not, it's not paint. If you're from the UK, julux is like the paint with the old English sheepdog it's not, it's not paint.
Speaker 2:If anyone knows me and like knows me Personally deeply, You'll know I can't spell for Toffee. I'm dyslexic, I can't spell shit. Shi double T in there shit.
Speaker 1:It's not G-Lux.
Speaker 2:So I've done modestly. I think I've done quite well getting rave to where he is at the moment with his spelling, reading, writing and maths.
Speaker 1:Now he's six.
Speaker 2:I can't really take him any further. I've peaked, I've peaked, he peaked at six. There's not much more I can do with him, so he's on his own now.
Speaker 1:Well, definitely. I keep trying to tell him it's not G-Lux, but you know what he's adamant when he looks at that word that it's G-Lux. It's G-Lux Even though it's. D-lux. It's D-Lux.
Speaker 2:I thought Mario and Luigi were plumbers, not painters.
Speaker 1:There's people listening to us around the world now that are going. What are you talking about? In the UK there is a paint brand called it's not just UK, is it? It is. I've never seen it anywhere else. D-lux, to be fair, you've never been anywhere else, probably Uganda. I have been a lot of places, but I've only ever painted in Uganda, let's say, and we didn't have D-Lux. When you went backpacking Australia you didn't paint in Tech-Rateon, did you? I didn't get a paint shop, no, no.
Speaker 2:You didn't paint the Sydney Opera House.
Speaker 1:But I did go searching for paint to paint my treatment room in Uganda and they did not have D-Lux.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You got D-Lux in South Africa.
Speaker 2:Uh, I can't remember.
Speaker 1:There is actually nowhere else. I've ever gone and bought paint, anyway, d-lux.
Speaker 2:Is a brand of paint.
Speaker 1:I know from the UK and it's got and it's an old English sheepdog was the whole D-Lux dog.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was one of them. No, not an old English sheepdog.
Speaker 1:It's an old English sheepdog. What do you think of that Big shaggy? That's an old English. That's a sheepdog, not a collie. An old English sheepdog.
Speaker 2:I thought a sheepdog was a collie. Is the D-Lux?
Speaker 1:dog. Oh, that's a sheepdog, that's a working sheepdog. Oh, okay, an old English sheepdog is the big shaggy one.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm not into dogs.
Speaker 1:That's in there, except we've got four outside.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've just got my four puppies.
Speaker 1:Your four abandoned puppies that we're fostering.
Speaker 2:They're big puppies now. My goodness, they're shit bigger than a human.
Speaker 1:And they really do as well yesterday.
Speaker 2:My I went in there this morning and they were like landmines. I didn't know where to step, but my head exploded. You know what?
Speaker 1:they love you.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know they love me.
Speaker 1:And do you know what? They go soon, don't they Don't.
Speaker 2:They go on Monday.
Speaker 1:I am gonna be really sad about it. I'm gonna miss.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be.
Speaker 1:Look, it's actually listed, if you put. Okay, I see D-Lux dog. D-lux dog. In Google you get an old English sheepdog.
Speaker 2:Well, I never knew that. I thought a sheepdog was just a border collie.
Speaker 1:No, that's just a sheepdog. Okay, that's not an old English. I didn't know there was such thing as an old English. That's hilarious. You put D-Lux dog in and it just comes up with that.
Speaker 2:You know what? To be honest, I've never, ever, ever, ever ever in my life seen one, apart from on the D-Lux ever.
Speaker 1:Oh, one of my family. Do you know what One of my family members when I was a child a family member that I am slightly more disconnected to had one as a pet? Okay Right, could it paint? No, but do you know what it dribbled? For shit it does. Old English sheepdogs. They come up to you going oh you know, you wanna give me a big cuddle Like a bulldog.
Speaker 1:And I'm like I really don't, because they have like this fur under their chin that's like stained yellow and brown and just dripping all their drool. Can't you shave it Right. And so when it comes up to it it's like, oh, I just wanna come and say hi. And I'm like get away from me. And this is when I was a kid. This is not when I was an animal carpenter Obviously clearly love animals and all that. But I'm talking about when I was a kid and I would go and visit this family and I think the dog's name was Sam. I can't remember I was a kid, I think it was Sam and it would come up to you with its big drippy brown beard thing and I remember being like completely grossed out Because on the TV the cute and lovely it was like oh, check me out with all my paint colors.
Speaker 1:It would run and its fur would be going like this and you're like, oh, beautiful paint colors, then I would have to go and visit this relative and all I would see was a big shaggy dog stinky breath, big droody, drippy, brown stained beard.
Speaker 2:So Like a purvy uncle.
Speaker 1:So it was just like just gross really. Just gross anyway. So yeah, tonight's main feature of Wet Wipes and Wine is the fact that we have had a pivotal moment.
Speaker 2:Santa has left the building.
Speaker 1:Santa has left the building for our 12 year old girl, and tomorrow she has her first day unsupervised at shopping mall with her friend and pivotal point now in this whole parenting journey. So, you know, let's just like take a few deep breaths, breathe our way through it. The magic of Santa is still holding strong in Rayfee.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we'll just.
Speaker 2:And also tomorrow. You get a day on your own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do To work and tidy up behind you messy buggers.
Speaker 2:Don't spoil it. You just get a day on your own.
Speaker 1:You mean, don't keep it real. Yeah, so you're sitting there thinking that actually what I'm gonna do is watch Netflix all day and just you know, just chill out and shit. But actually what I'm gonna be doing is tidying up and prepping for leaving Bulgaria.
Speaker 2:It could be worse. You could have had Rayfee and I could have like dropped the kids at the mall and gone for a run for four hours. Yeah, no, at least that's not happening.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at least that's not happening, but anyway. So pivotal moment this evening. Lani has officially told us that the Santa moment has passed. Got it.
Speaker 2:If in the same night she's going there's no more Santa and I'm going out, going out on my own for a day, Does that mean like she's now gone from a child to like a mini adult in like one day?
Speaker 1:Yeah, basically.
Speaker 2:If we're leaving her, not leaving her.
Speaker 1:She went talking to her friend earlier and then, when I went into the caravan to tell her to get off because it was dinner time, she's wearing eyeliner. No, not eyeliner.
Speaker 2:Eyeshadow, whatever.
Speaker 1:She had a glistening and an eyeshadow.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:Glistening eyeshadow. Glistening eyeshadow yeah because it's the sparkly stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh no, these things.
Speaker 1:Glistening eyeshadow. She told me that Santa doesn't exist anymore and she's off to the Shuck-A-Maw tomorrow. So there we go, parenting life. But we still got Rafe, who's a believer. Well, I'll run to him for a little bit longer. So that's us tonight. We're done yeah In the snug.
Speaker 2:In the snug.
Speaker 1:And the building hasn't collapsed in on us.
Speaker 2:Five going out.
Speaker 1:In the making of this episode, the kids are hopefully asleep, because it's about oh, what is?
Speaker 2:it. I was 10.
Speaker 1:No, it's quarter past 11.
Speaker 2:Quarter past 11 at night, I'm still awake. How Woof woof, but we don't have to get up at five o'clock from when to work, do we? We?
Speaker 1:don't have to get up at the cracker door and to work.
Speaker 2:So Quarter past 11 and Like I wake up from my bedtime.
Speaker 1:This is a little episode of Uncorks.
Speaker 2:Uncorks.
Speaker 1:With the phoenixes.
Speaker 2:With wine.
Speaker 1:A couple of glasses of wine down, and it's been a little bit of a pivotal change here. King king In Bulgaria, have a lovely evening, day afternoon, wherever you are in the world, and we will catch up with you on the next episode. Take care now, bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye.