Wet Wipes And Wine
Welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine where we aim to laugh, learn, and navigate parenthood with humor! Join Nikki Collinson-Phenix and her fellow parent guests for some fun relatable stories, witty banter, and expert insights.
Enjoy family banter in Uncorked, the special feature family episodes where you can get some insights into Phenix family life!
From toddler tales to teen triumphs, we've got it all.
Why Listen?
Real-life parenting, real-life laughs. Dive into the ups and downs of parenting life with us and share the laughs in the knowledge you are not alone!
Become a 'Winer' and hang out with us for a weekly dose of parenting fun. We will bring you funny stories, parenting hacks, real life parenting stories and fun learning all from a place of #keepingitreal
So pour a glass, or maybe grab a coffee and subscribe now to your weekly dose of parenting entertainment!
Wet Wipes And Wine
#8 Raising Glasses, Raising Children and When No, Is Actually Saying Yes with Andrea Haas
Have you ever had one of those days where everything that could go wrong did, but by the end, you wouldn't change a thing? That's the type of authenticity Andrea Haas brings to the table in our latest episode of Wet Wipes and Wine. She's a Seattle-based mom, educator, and entrepreneur, and like many navigating the unpredictable waves of parenthood—complete with tech mishaps, smoky log burners and a dodgy web cam!
Join us for an episode that's like the best kind of parenting day—messy, joyful, unpredictable and perfectly imperfect!
Parenthood can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with some of the steepest drops coming from the challenges of fertility. Andrea and I uncork the often unspoken realities of this journey, sharing stories that span from heartache to hope. We touch on the mystery of unexpected conception during treatment breaks and the complex emotions that follow. As we celebrate the distinct personalities and learning styles of our children, we're reminded that each one adds a unique flavor to the family blend—whether they're navigating a new book or mastering multiplication tables.
Balancing the demands of parenting with the necessity of self-care is akin to walking a tightrope while juggling fire. We delve into the strategies for managing those inevitable public meltdowns and the critical importance of tuning into our own needs amidst the beautiful chaos. Andrea also shares valuable resources for educators, underscoring the importance of community and shared experiences in our collective parenting adventure. So pour another glass, and let's raise a toast to the wild ride of raising kids and the unfiltered stories that bind us all.
To connect with Andrea visit:
Website
Instagram
Follow me:
Facebook: @nikkicollinsonphenix
Instagram : @iamnikkic_p
Websites:
Life In A Can - For all the travel adventures
Remote Solutions - Where Nikki helps others create extraordinary lives
Global Trailblazing - Nikki's amazing global kids club and kids social network!
Africa Childrens Development Trust - Nikki's bit of good in the world #givingback
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Quick, pass me the wipes. Hi, and welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine, the podcast for parents who maybe you want to live life a little bit differently from the norm. Maybe you want to travel more as a family or just explore new possibilities. Maybe you have family dreams you want to achieve, or maybe you just want to be surrounded by people who remind you that when life throws a load of parent and crap at you, that wet wipes or wine is usually the answer. I'm your host, nikki Collins and Phoenix, and each week I'll be bringing you real life stories from my own parenting journey. I'll also be welcoming guests to share theirs, as well as introducing you to new ideas, thoughts, tips and tricks for my little black book of awesome people.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Wet Wipes and Wine. Too early for wine. Hey everyone, and welcome to today's episode of Wet Wipes and Wine. I'm absolutely thrilled that you've joined us from wherever you are in the world. We are really, really happy to be joined today with the lovely Andrea Haas, all the way from Seattle. Hey, andrea, thank you for joining us today. Thanks, thanks for having me. You're welcome. I can see that my camera is going to give me some trouble today. I'm having some real fun stuff this morning because I asked Andrea if she would come on a little bit earlier so that we could do a tech check and all of that stuff. I have a log burner here that's just decided to smoke me out just as we were meant to go on. So if this camera decides to just play out, we're just going to go with it, andrea, okay, don't worry about that.
Speaker 1:Okay, that sounds good. The whole point of this is this is real life. This is perfectly imperfect. This podcast is basically what parenting is all about is doing something perfectly imperfect, so we're just going to roll with it. Now you're in Seattle and I understand that you had just put your kids to bed.
Speaker 2:Yes, yep. Well, one of them is getting she's still probably getting jammies on and about ready to read. She's a 10 year old. But the other one, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And so I'm over in Bulgaria recording this at the moment. So my kids are in bed at the moment, sleeping and having I'm sure May you never know. I've said please don't come and disturb me right now, but you never know, if they wake up we could have some guests as well. So let me tell you a little bit about are Andrea. So Andrea is a recovering perfectionist. Hello, those people in my world who know me know that that makes us kindred spirits. As a wife, a mother, educator and blogger and literacy instruction consultant, she is a very, very busy lady and during the first couple of months of the year I love this Andrea devotes all her spare time to watching every Academy Award Best Picture nominee with her bestie before the day of the Oscars. That's like the Oscar equivalent to when we have people in Europe do like Eurovision parties and stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, some contest and stuff.
Speaker 1:It's like you just like have this huge thing around around this event. And when she's not working on mumming, she's sipping on white wine bring it on and commiserating with her friends, because, let's be real, motherhood deserves a toast and a healthy pour. Now, last spring, she leapt into entrepreneurship by starting an online business to provide teachers with professional development in literacy instruction. So, andrea, thank you for coming and hanging out with us and all the trials and tribulations of podcasts, smoked out rooms and dodgy cameras.
Speaker 1:I'm really, really, really happy for you to join me and thrilled for you to be here. Now, some of the things that we were sharing with me when we were talking about you coming on with the podcast is a few things that I think are really important topics to just chat about. If it's okay to learn a little bit about your story Now, one of the things is around your own actual parenting story, your actual journey to becoming a mum. In that sense, can you tell us a little bit about that story, because there's there's some overlaps with my own. So you tell me a little bit about your story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, I met my husband almost 20 years ago and we got married in 2006. And then, just because of life and some of my professional goals, I was working on a master's degree and something that we call the US National Board certification that's kind of like the highest level of certification you can have as a teacher and wanted to kind of get all those things sort of like like taken care of. And then, you know, start our family. And then, of course, you know, when you want to go start a family and you think it's going to be easy, then it turns out to be anything but easy, and so there definitely was a lot that happened kind of between the years 2012. And then I had my, had my son in 2018.
Speaker 2:So I would say that it there was a lot of highs, there was a lot of lows and there was a lot of it just kind of felt like almost like a full time job, sometimes, just because we needed to seek some support from a fertility doctor, and there's just a lot that I don't know. Once you like really like get into the science of it, it's honestly a miracle that anybody has a baby. I don't know how like it's just there's so many things that can go wrong. There's so many things that, like when you're wanting it to happen and you're trying to control, you know, do some things to help it along that you know can cause it to not exhausting though, isn't it Like?
Speaker 1:it sure is that the mental and physical so my, my daughter was, was naturally conceived after on this courage. But, then I just realized I'm a really bad incubator, like I. Just I was in and out of hospital, I had had surgery on my cervix, I had to be stitched up because there I nearly went into early labor and just constant high premises, everything just thrown at me. I ended up being bed rested for two thirds of the pregnancy and in the end it just sucked to the joy out of all of it.
Speaker 2:Because in the end.
Speaker 1:You're just like I just want to cross the finish line. I just want to cross the finish line. And then, when it came to my son, then it became multiple miscarriages and the fertility journey and I wasn't able to have IVF because I didn't even have enough eggs to qualify for IVF.
Speaker 1:So mine, was like you've got IUI, or that that's. That's basically all we've got available for you is IUI. And I'm very grateful that the end, you know, my IUI journey did end with a, with a little boy, and I will be forever grateful for that. But I had at the time said to myself and I even started bleeding with him early on, and I was convinced I was abroad, I was working abroad, I was on my eye and I was like, oh, my goodness, I'm bleeding, that's, I've lost this one as well. But anyway, it turns out that he stuck around. But I had told myself that if this, this particular one, failed, this attempt failed, I was going to step back and be one child that I did have, because physically and mentally I just I just couldn't do it anymore. You know it was all the, the injections. I mean, did you just feel like shit, yeah, on all that medication and all those injections as well, like it was like a cloud of doom.
Speaker 2:Yeah and yeah, your, your journey in mind are very, very, very similar than because, you know, I, my daughter, violet, she's 10. And it took us three IUI cycles to find success and then that was actually ended up being relatively easy compared to having my son, who's five, five years old. Because then I was, what they were telling me is I was having, you know, secondary, or secondary infertility or something like that. Because because, like I had, technically, you know, obviously I had successfully had a pregnancy, full term. You know all that, all that. And then you know we had like three miscarriages in a row, like within a year, and a lot of failed IVF, you know embryo transfers and all of those things. And so it was. It was a lot and same thing. I, we had gotten to a point where we were like we have to like, like we got a pause, like we have to pause because it was just getting to be so much and I was just kind of like going from one.
Speaker 2:You know, it was almost like I didn't even stop because it was like, okay, well, like that one didn't work, so let's go again, like let's go again, let's go again when you say that let's go again.
Speaker 1:No, that let's go again is a whole flipping month. Like you, know, that's the hardest. One of the things is like I'm somebody that's like okay, this didn't work, whatever it is, this didn't work, let's immediately do it again, whatever it is, or start again, and all of a sudden it's like this didn't work. Okay, now you've got to wait another cycle.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you've got to wait two cycles or you know, and like one month and two months waiting is like one year to two years of waiting. That's what it feels like and yeah, and even though you, like I, was very aware of not becoming obsessive about it, I was very aware of trying not to become obsessive about it.
Speaker 1:But the fact is, when you are having to inject every day, when you are having to pee on sticks, when you are having to do all this stuff, it's very hard to do for it not to roll into your whole being, when it's a part of your consistent everyday life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why I was liking it to another job, because it just it was every day and all the blood draws and all the you know I've kind of made jokes that like I really you know after going through fertility and then you know giving birth vaginally, that like I've had so many people in there, so many people have been there yeah. I've had so many vaginal ultrasounds I can't even, I couldn't even tell you how many. You know. I'd like yeah and just yeah.
Speaker 1:Like you said, all the injections and all the stuff clinical there in the end doesn't it become so clinical? Because even I've got quite an extensive gyne history and after a while, you know, you just feel like the whole lady bits is just like a laboratory for all the students to just just hang out in, and I would. I would just love to share a funny story about my IUI transfer with my son. So I was back in the UK and my mum obviously not many close people knew that we were on this journey because I didn't. Everyone seemed to be like really wanting to know because I'd had the miscarriages and stuff and I just didn't want it to be in the public domain. So I had a handful of people who knew what we were going through at the time, clearly one of them being my mum and I, and my mum knew I had to travel.
Speaker 1:I lived on an island then and I had to travel on a ferry to the mainland, to the fertility clinic. So it wasn't just like nipping down the road, it was like a day trip. Every time we had to go to the fertility clinic for another scan or another check. So I had my mum on standby for the day when they went like, okay, you know, they've done all the tests, they've checked everything. They're like right, it's transfer day tomorrow. You know we're gonna, we're gonna do it tomorrow. So I get there and they're like it's tomorrow, I need you to come. I need you to come. I can't remember the exact date now, but it was something like I need you to come at 10 o'clock and I need no, your husband to come at like 10 o'clock and then you need to come at one o'clock and you know, and it was all this going on for those people that aren't sure what I you why is?
Speaker 1:it's basically the best way to describe it is the the man's swimmers basically get washed and they bring out the best ones, and then the women's area womb gets prepped leading up to it and then they test tube a turkey based tube. Basically, let's be real about it.
Speaker 1:They turkey based you with these really good swimmers right at the top of your cervix and then part way down your cervix and then basically you just keep your fingers crossed. So they've kind of medicated you to have, like supposedly, your optimum eggs but inside you and they've. They've put the swimmers through the washing machine. So that's why it's done at like two different stages. So my husband had to come and do the sample in the morning, then I have to be there at lunchtime to be presented with these bionic swimmers and it should all be good to go. So I go home the day before and I say to my mom mom, tomorrow is the day. Can you have Lani as in like, can you just just?
Speaker 1:have her for the day and she said the most funniest thing she was like she suddenly went all really weird and pale and she's like what do you what? What shall I do? What would you want to do? She's like how long do you need me to have her for? And I'm like mom, just whatever, like just just I'll go, I'll drop her off to you and then I'll let you know when we're coming back. And she was like what do you mean coming back? What do I need to do? Do I just just take her to the park for an hour or do you need two hours? And it's a really confusing conversation.
Speaker 1:And I'm like yeah mom, what do you think is happening tomorrow? And my mom basically thought she had to remove my child so me and Ian could just basically have sex continuously Because the window was open. So she thought she was removing her so that we could just have a big marathon sex session. And I'm like and it was one of those really awkward mom conversations that even isn't about, I don't want to be having that with my mom. I'm like, mom, I have to go to the mainland and it's all being done very clinically in a laboratory.
Speaker 1:Like oh, thank goodness I was. I just didn't know what I was meant to do and I was like this is really gross, mom. I just can't be thinking about the fact that you think you're going to just take my daughter out while we're just having sex for two hours or something. And yeah, it was just really funny. Once she knew that it was, I was like mom, you know, we've been going to the clinic. Well, anyway, it was. It was a funny old story, but the end result was my son. And yeah, it is draining though, isn't it?
Speaker 1:And for those people listening who have been on a fertility journey or are going through a fertility journey, I think, from both of us, our hearts go out to you, because we've been there, we know what it's like and we know the highs and lows of it, but we have been blessed with children and if you are listening to this right now and you're going through the journey right now and you're going through those, those fails and things is it's just to say we're with you, andrea, really isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because it's, and there's really nothing that anybody can say I don't think when you are going through it, because there's really, it is just kind of what it is. But, it is what we understand, that I guess that there's, it's just and it's hard and we understand.
Speaker 1:But then I do want to draw on the fact that you then became one of the people that, when you decided to take a break, you got pregnant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did, yeah, I know, and sometimes I even hesitate to like share that, because I kind of remember the time when people you know would try to you know well, meaning you know, but like you know their cousin's, sister's son, and so they stopped and then they got pregnant, you know, and whatever, and and when you're struggling, sometimes those especially if you're struggling for as long as as we were going through things those stories feel not super helpful, so like, but it does. But the problem is, is it?
Speaker 2:they're there because it's true, you know and I don't know if it's just like sometimes, like just like removing the stress, and then your body's like okay, now I'm fine, like now I'm relaxed and now I can do it, you know, or or whatever, but yeah, I think you know, because you hear that story I don't think you hear it a lot, because you also know people that have breaks that it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1:I think exactly. I think it's one of those things that if biology and the universe and everything, whatever you believe, if the, if the stars just happen to fall in alignment at the right time, then that's an amazingly wonderful outcome, isn't it? But, like you say, when people, people will tell you to do that from a place of unwarranted advice, meaning well, but with absolutely no factual backup, but if you are fortunate enough for it to happen, I mean it's amazing. Because why? Why wouldn't you want that to happen? If you know, if you're going to have a break and that's the end result of your break, then then that's, it's a wonderful end.
Speaker 1:So you have your, your kids, then they're 10 and five Mm hmm, but they're very different, very different.
Speaker 2:So besides gender, you know, my oldest is very much, she's very much a rule follower. She's very much, In fact, for the longest time she wouldn't even read stories that had a character that could have even had the potential to maybe get in trouble as part of the plotline, Like she would seriously close a book because she was like, oh, I think they're gonna get in trouble. Oh, bless her. Which, if anybody is really familiar with children's literature, really at this age, like that's kind of the plotline of every book is that you know the kids are getting into trouble somehow, you know, and some learning, some profound learning comes out of it.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly. So I'm like you're gonna have to kind of get over that. Meanwhile she read there's a series called the Warriors. I don't know if this is like a worldwide series or not or if it's just the US, but it's all about this, these cat clans, and then they're like at war and fighting, and like she was totally okay reading about cats like being at war and cats dying on the battlefield of stuff, these different clans fighting, and I was like you're fine with that, like that's okay, like you're going to go ahead and read all those, like the entire series. It has many different like sub series within it, but yet you know, if you read a book about a, you know, a 10 year old girl who maybe is going to get in trouble by her parents, like you got to put that one away. That's just like a note.
Speaker 1:So my daughter got into reading when she started online school properly, when we started traveling.
Speaker 1:So we I've always been a reader and she was I kept trying to bring her books. I really wanted to get into it, but she pushed back and pushed back, and pushed back. Then, when she started online school, she had to study certain texts that you know. That was like that's what you've got to study. So she studied.
Speaker 1:The first book was a Percy Jackson book and she started reading the first chapter or so and she was like mom, I hate this book. I hate this book, I don't want to read it. And I thought she's really pushing back again and I wish she would get the reading bug. And I said to her look, babe, you're going to have to persevere because this is your book, this is what you're studying, so you're going to have to persevere. And I said, like all books, you know, it takes a little while to warm up. First couple of chapters just kind of sets the scene. So she persevered and then she couldn't put it down and now she's basically Rick Riordan's number one fan and she's read literally, I think, 20 of his books now and she loves.
Speaker 1:She reads all the series. She loves it. But, however and she's okay now she's 12. So she's okay with you. Know she's had to. She was a little bit like your daughter and she wanted everything to be peace and harmony.
Speaker 1:Everything to be peace and harmony all around. The Percy Jackson Bix have opened her art. You know they've kind of bought her out of that. However, she's taken a real little step back at the moment because her online schooling at the moment is studying Watership Down. Oh, and she's a real animal lover and she's like I don't want to study the bunnies and I think because I told her years ago because we used to listen, we listened to a lot of 80s music and she's got you. She's to hear bright eyes by Simon and Garfunkel and I used to talk about. When I was a kid, I sung this solo at school and I was like, oh, there's this film, is what's it down? And I watched it when I was a kid and I just sobbed. I was just sobbing and like uncontrollably sobbing. So I'd already, by default, I'd like preconditioned her to the fact that this was like a traumatic thing.
Speaker 1:So she comes in the other day oh my God, mom was studying what she's down, she's back on it and she keeps going to me Mom who dies? When does it happen? When I'm like I'm not doing, I'm not watching the film, she's like I'm not watching, the teachers says I've got to watch. I refuse to watch it. But our kids are really funny how they're like that, I mean. And your son then, is he? What's he? Just like bulldozer into life.
Speaker 2:Totally. And he is just like we kind of always said, like from the beginning, like from the very first night we brought him home from the hospital, like he's just always been noisy, like even that first night of sleep, like you know, like they're, you know they're in the bassinet in your room and you know whatever. And you know this wasn't our first time now, so like we were a little bit more comfortable with everything, but he just was like that whole first night he was making so many noises like in the middle of the night and you know he just he's. I think what is going on a little bit for him is that he actually feels really, really deeply and some of those big emotions I think caused him some discomfort and because he'll, you know he doesn't want to be consoled if he's, you know, fallen down and scraped his knee, he does not want you to come up and say, are you okay? And give him a hug, like he doesn't want to. In fact, sometimes he like for a while there he was our little gaslighter, he was like he was like saying, like I didn't fall down, no, I'm fine, I didn't fall down, and like meanwhile he's like crying and his like knees all skinned up and, and you know he's, he's just also had a little bit like.
Speaker 2:Violet has really excelled in, you know, reading and writing and she does very well with math too, but it's not, it doesn't come as easy to her. And then meanwhile, like you know, he hasn't actually even started kindergarten here. He's going to start next, next school year. But he, you know, he's always kind of had this mind for numbers, like even fairly early on he could. He was kind of figuring out like counting and, you know, even looking at things. Do we need?
Speaker 1:to get our kids together here, because I think we have, like, kids that are identical.
Speaker 2:Have we just been having parallel journeys, like Actually I was?
Speaker 1:just talking to me about my son and my daughter and the differences. She's very much creative writing like writing from a really young age, my bulldozer boy, who's six, who is very noisy and there's an accident waiting to happen, and when he used to fall down.
Speaker 1:His thing was always I'm okay, I'm okay. That's what he'd always say. He'd do like a really nasty four and you'd go are you okay, I'm okay, brush off and go. And he was always like I'm okay. But he has an affinity with numbers. Like he was rocking out square root numbers to me. I really I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting there saying I've got a child genius, I really don't. But he is very like your son. He has a real affinity with numbers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and like often I mean I'm an educator, I know that that's kind of that's not uncommon that you kind of have, like you're either kind of have a brain that's a little bit more towards language or you have a brain that's a little bit more towards, you know, like math and numbers and you know. But and he, like he didn't, he struggled a little bit with talking and he's you know he sees a speech therapist still and you know it's not severe but like he still has sometimes a hard time even just getting his thoughts out. Like he's loud but also at the same time he's if he's really trying to communicate something and he can't retrieve the word, you know that's hard, that's hard for him. That gets frustrating. So you know there's, there's all you know. But yeah, he is just like all over and he's always, he's very it's almost like he needs to like always be touching somebody. You know if it's, if he's around tactile, yeah, yeah, super, super tactile.
Speaker 2:And and you know, and I've gotten used to it.
Speaker 1:What Say it again? Does that surprise you? Because, like when I used to think about boys, you know, my experience of young boys, you know, was just that they were just like snotty little children you know like, because that was me when I was at school. It's like, well, boys just smell and I don't want to hang out with them and everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So when I found out I was having a boy, that was kind of my picture and I had loads of friends saying to me boys are so affectionate and I just couldn't compute the smelly little, grubby boy with affection, that level of affection that they kept talking about, and I was like, okay, actually my boy would cuddle you all day If he could? He is so affectionate and I I really am quite mind blown about how affectionate I'm not saying every little lad is, but mine isn't. It sounds like yours is tea.
Speaker 2:Yeah, lovely Isn't it. Yeah, it really is like. I mean, it really, is this the sweetest thing?
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we've just taken a little break from today's show so that I can tell you a little bit about global trailblazing, our ultimate online youth club. The young and intrepid global trailblazers age five to 14, a place for them to learn, grow, connect, give back and have fun with fellow trailblazers from all around the world. They can complete fun learning quests and earn badges from any of our six core learning banners, which are life skills, kindness and compassion, purpose, travel and adventure, innovation and the world around us. They can make new global friends, hang out online, maybe hop on a video call or work together on quests. You are bespoke social network. They can get access to amazing live workshops and support disadvantaged children around the world through our global trailblazing foundation.
Speaker 1:This is truly the global club your child needs to be in, so let us help you nurture their path in life to find it in their own unique and wonderful way. Why not try us out for a month and see for yourself? For more information, just visit wwwglobaltrailblazingcom. I had a friend once. He had three girls and she actually had the first two girls. It was quite interesting because the first two girls were quite similar to each other, but the third girl was quite different.
Speaker 1:And she went through a phase of being convinced that there was something wrong with girl number three, because she wasn't the same as girl one and two Interesting, and it ended up getting quite, you know, several heated discussions at certain points of trying to say, like your kids can be different, like they can be different, whereas because she'd had one and two, she was drastically trying to label number three, who's clearly got something wrong with her, because she was a bit more, I don't know, a little bit more feisty, a little bit more challenging, you know various other things, and she was like, well, clearly there's something wrong with her. And it's really hard, isn't it? Like it's just a acknowledge that I've also got friends who've got five kids and they are five totally different personalities.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:But it can be hard sometimes to get a balance between making sure all the kids' needs are met when they're quite different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that, like you know, when you're, when you think, okay, I've done this once before, so like I know exactly what to expect, and then the path is completely different, that's failed, you're like, you're like dang it. I mean, there are some things that are universal, but for the most part, like I feel like it's been completely new, learning like we parent them differently, like because of how like they react to different situations, like you said, like it, you know, I have. You know my daughter's fairly picky when it comes to eating, you know. And then my son, he loves spice, he will eat things with sriracha all over it. Like you know, I don't, I don't know another little kid who likes spicy food like he does, and she will hardly even bland food some of it if it doesn't look right.
Speaker 2:Or you know, like there's, like you know it has to be the same all the time, or those kinds of things, and so like it's just, it's so different, you know, and you know he's, he's still learning and navigating social stuff and having a hard time. You know partially the language and partially just I think the other boys and his, his pre kindergarten classroom that he's in right now, you know, are a little bit more rough and tumble, and you know. So we're, we're hearing that. Oh so, and so knocked down my tower when we were playing with the block. So I went over and knocked down his tower you know, that kind of stuff and like that's.
Speaker 2:You know that violet never had any of these social things, like she's always kind of just been easy sailing, even within the kids here.
Speaker 1:I'll have like he'll come up to me and say, mom, lani just punched me. And you said to Lani, did you just punch, did you punch him? Yeah, but he punched me first. Okay, two wrongs don't make a right, you know that means you can't. No one can criticise if you've both actually done the punching, because that both makes you punches, you know, and you just. Sometimes I do feel like I'm having to referee a little bit, but then also I'm having to, particularly with my daughter. Is she expects him to have the, the understanding level of her, which is 12.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you're always having to sit there saying like Lani, he doesn't understand that concept yet or he won't realise what you mean. Like he's six, you have to remember he's six. When you were six, you weren't thinking the way you're thinking now that you're 12. And like it is just a juggle, you know. And I just sit there and say we're all just doing our best, aren't we? Do? You know what I mean when we're? We're not perfect, we mess up, we're all just doing our best. But I do want you to share your story about your daughter and your flight home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but she was like too, yeah, yeah, so I am from. I originally grew up in the middle of the country, so I grew up in Nebraska and so I fly, you know, to be able to see my parents. They either fly out here to visit or sometimes they'll take a long, long drive, but it takes them days to get here if they drive out and we haven't ever drove with kids because that just seems like a recipe of like, by the time we'd be like sliding into my parents' house, we'd be like wanting to drink a lot of wine, anyway. And so so I had a particular trip where I was going on my own, my husband had to work and it just kind of like didn't work out that he, you know, he kind of was doing something. He had other things going on. So I said but oh, it's fine, you know, like, if I was great, like she's too, I can take her, you know, and, and it was fine Going out there, we were totally fine and thank goodness it was a direct flight and it's just, you know, up two and a half three hours and you know, we're there, my parents are there, it's great. You know, I have a niece who's just six weeks younger than Violet. So they're really close and you know, there was like this whole like embracing in the airport and we have a great trip and everything's fine. But the one thing about actually both of my kids this is how they are the same is, even if it's going to be fun, if you've messed up with their routine, they can only take it for so long and it just feels like they kind of like peter out, like at the end, like they're just they're just up to here with it and even if they've gotten what you think is enough sleep, even if you know they're just out of sorts because they're not home, they're not in the routine, they're you know whatever. And so she was starting to get really kind of like agitated, kind of fussy. You know I want to be off the plane and I said we're almost there, and then you know, of course you land and then you taxi and you know how long that is, you know and you know. So she's just like really like wanting to go. I just want to go home. I just want to go home. You know all these things.
Speaker 2:And the way that the Seattle airport is laid out is that there are some terminals that you have to take an underground, like subway, kind of like tram, to get to the main terminal where all your, where your bags are, and I was traveling by myself and of course I've got, you know, her stuff, my carry on. I mean I think I had like a purse and, like you know, like four other things that I'm like trying to carry, like by myself. We still had luggage that was checked and I, but I still had all those things for carry on, you know, the diaper bag, the I just saw the stuff right and um, so I'm hands full, and then she is just like I just want, like she's like she doesn't want to walk, she doesn't want to go anywhere and you know, I'm practically dragging her down the, um, the, what's, the like the jet bridge, you know, to get back into the terminal and um, and then finally she just decides she's had enough and then she just sits down in the middle of the floor, like right in the middle of a busy, busy airport and all these people are deplaning and other people are trying to get to different gates and she's just like she won't get up and I have my hands all full and I'm like I don't know what to do. I'm by myself. My husband is going to pick us up, but like he's far away from me now, you know, and he can't get into this part of the airport to help me.
Speaker 2:And so I was like I, I don't know, and then she's just like crying and kind of screaming and just like laying on the floor and I was finally. I just was like I, I think I just have to go, like I had to leave her for a second and like go put my stuff by the wall because I just had my hands too full, like I couldn't really pick her up, and then like maneuver all this stuff when she's going to be like a wiggly worm and not want to come with me. And so I just kind of like stashed everything by the wall quick, ran back, picked her up, you know under my arm, and like took her over. And then, you know, I just had to wait her out and it took like an extra 10 or 15 minutes of her just like flossing and being upset.
Speaker 2:And you know, and obviously you know when your kids like that they're not, they um. You know we always say in education like they flip their lid, like because they're um, you know, it's like the reptilian brain and then, like you know, like the logical part of their brain, um, is just not there, it's not present. And so, like I knew, I wasn't going to be able to, like talk her into it until she calmed down and finally she did, but I, but I kept thinking like what am I going to do? I think you know my husband can't get in here like how am I going to get her out of here?
Speaker 1:I just think there's all these things like and you do just think ground, eat me up as well, don't you?
Speaker 2:yes, yes, I was just like stop. I just wanted to be very grateful.
Speaker 1:I feel very grateful that both of my kids have never been big public meltdowners like, because I've seen I've seen people that have struggled with this a lot and I just had one incident in a in a clothing store with Lani when she just completely kicked off and she was on the floor just kicking and thrashing and right in the centre aisle that everyone has to walk through to get to the place and I'm trying to pick her up and she's fighting me and everyone's looking at me and she's screaming the whole place down and I am the person with the kid that's screaming and I just I was mortified, I was embarrassed, I was humiliated and I just I just didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1:And I can remember, just like, standing to the side and, as people are trying to come past, I'm like just just step over her. Just I'm just telling people just they have no choice. Then I've got to stand there. Yeah, I'll just step over her. And she was about two as well, and I was like please, just step over her. And you could see, though, those horrible, judgmental people giving me. Their judgmental looks at how clearly I am a shith parent and.
Speaker 1:I always remember this one lady stepped over and she was an older lady, maybe she was in her 60s, like someone who probably had grown up children, maybe was now a grandma, and she stepped over and then she looked at me and she just said we've all been there, my love, we've all been there. And she just carried on walking and in that moment I wanted to hug her because I just, I just felt like, oh, I just just felt like someone was just saying it's, it's okay, because all those other judgmental people you know clearly had perfect parenting experiences, didn't they, you know?
Speaker 2:yeah but um, yeah, that that moment when they just, and even if you just go to pick them up, they do that dead weight thing exactly, yeah, that's why I was like there's no way I'm gonna be able to get her and I have my hands full, and then she's like she's gonna squirm and like five times as heavy, because they're like you're not picking me up, I'm a dead.
Speaker 1:I'm a dead weight, I'm a complete dead weight. Um, now, you've had some fun parenting stuff. Uh, very similar to me. I've been loving chatting with you, but what I did ask if you would share is just for people listening, whether you're starting your parenting journey, whether you know you're at the very beginning of becoming a parent and you just kind of want to be in the parenting space, or maybe you're you know, you've been a parent for a while. But just to share some of the kind of golden nuggets and tips and things that that have helped you. Um, because I think we can all still share ideas and have learnings that may not be relevant now, but at some point in the future you might go.
Speaker 1:Oh, I remember someone said or I remember that Andrew on that podcast said if this happens, this might be helpful. So you shared a couple of tips if I can share them for you to just kind of expand a little bit. So one of the tips you were talking about was if your kids have had a lack of sleep and start acting up, um, about the short window. Can you expand on that a little bit?
Speaker 2:yeah. So I think that there is this really um careful window of time where, if your kids start kind of acting a little loopy because they're tired and they're getting kind of silly, if you don't try to immediately get them to bed, you're going to be in trouble in about 20 or 30 minutes it's like are you a tired thing, isn't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's the over tired thing and it's like they're okay, they're okay, they're okay. And now they're kind of acting goofy and silly and they're just being like, oh, you know, whatever that seem that they actually have a burst of energy and are not so tired. Um, yeah, you have like a really short amount of time to get your kids in bed now, because otherwise, if you don't, then it will be the sit down in the middle of the aisle or the floor, the bedroom or the bed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah big meltdown, yeah. So I always think, as soon as they start getting kind of like a little silly, like I don't know you can just tell Like it's an overly silly. It's hard for me to explain, but it's just like as soon as you know that they're getting loopy, I feel like I look at my husband and I'm like we gotta go we gotta leave this party.
Speaker 1:Go, go, go, yeah, yeah, oh, perfect. One of the things that you also shared was, like, really important was about the fact that some things in parenthood will go as you expect, but more often things don't, and to kind of have an acceptance of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there's a lot of just like, if you have really high expectations of yourself or the way that something is going to go, you're just going to get disappointed all the time and there are some things that you can control. But also, at the end of the day, like they are their own little humans and they're going to do what they want to do. They don't necessarily get the memo on. We don't behave like this in an airport. That's not at all their reference. They want their thing and they want their need. They're very good about voicing what they want and need once they're able to talk. And if we kind of don't listen to that or we ignore it or we say oh no, no, no, but you got to do this and you try to put them on your agenda, I think that you're going to be disappointed. Or if you really just have these high hopes that you're going to have this beautiful day with your family and it's going to be such a great you're going to go.
Speaker 1:It's never going to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's never going to happen. Like, if you're going to like, yeah, you want to like, oh, we're just going to have this great time at the zoo and we're going to do this and that it's going to be so great, like, I assure you that you've just set yourself up for like major disappointment. It's not going to be and you just have to like when they, when the moments do happen, it's because you didn't. You know, you didn't expect it, you didn't plan for it and it was great, and you just like hold on to that and keep those great memories.
Speaker 1:But expect the unexpected, isn't it yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah and I don't. If you have too high of expectations of what you think it's going to be or how it's going to go, you'll just end up making yourself crazy and sad because it won't happen.
Speaker 1:And then, adding on to that, your third tip was around the juggling it all and saying yes and sometimes saying no is actually saying no to yourself. Can you tell us a bit more about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and especially in motherhood, it's easy to put everybody's needs in front of your own. And anytime you're going to take on something extra, anytime you're going to say yes to something, you're saying no to someone or something else because you only have so much time. And so if you are going to take on, yes, I will go volunteer in the classroom, that's great. But then what are you saying no to? Are you saying no to like, oh, that was the time that I was actually going to get a walk in and take care of my health, or that was the time that I have only so many times where I can go get my hair done, go see my stylist or whatever. And so sometimes, when you say no, you're actually saying yes to yourself, and that's important.
Speaker 1:I love that thought. I really love that. That really resonated with me actually, because I have been historically a yes person in the past to the point of burnout one too many times, and it's very much something that's a work in progress with me is saying no to others which actually directly is saying yes to me, but I've not really looked at it like that and that's really powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think, yeah, I picked that one up and I was just like same thing. I was like, oh, that makes so much sense Because you only have a finite amount of time and you can only do so many things. And if you're working full time and you've got your children and you've got your partner and you and your friends, and then maybe you also have your aging parents, I mean there's all the things and you just only have so many hours in the day.
Speaker 1:And although this is kind of a discussion that could be a whole nother episode, in general I do think that as women and mums, there is this weird expectation that we are meant to be superhuman. Yeah. And if we're not behaving in a permanently superhuman state, then are we a bit crap at it or are we failing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I do think, as mums in particular, we find it really hard to say no to others because we want to say yes to ourselves, because we actually just maybe want to do nothing, or maybe we do want to just be, or maybe we do want to rest and just not be on some kind of a gendered item, and I think that is something that there is still much work to be done around that, generally, in society's expectations of the role of a mum to hold down jobs, do the family and all of that I think there is still much work to be done about around that area.
Speaker 1:I agree, yeah. So yeah, if you take anything from this whole episode whilst there's loads on here, I am 100 percent taking that away because that is gold. That is gold to the stuff that I'm doing for myself now. Now you work in the space of teaching and literacy and all of that stuff. If people would like to learn a little bit more about your work or connect with you away from here, andrew, what's the best place for them to come to you? What's the main place for them to connect with you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, if they're on Instagram, they can follow me at ElmTreeEd, so like an ELM tree, and then Ed for education, short for education, or elmtreeedcom, is my website too.
Speaker 2:I am on a mission to help teachers who are teaching our well in the US, we'd say from kindergarten to fifth grade students who are just they need support and unfortunately, just because of a lot of different reasons in our system and our society and money and all of those things in the politics, a lot of them are kind of dying on the vine out there just because they are not getting support they need. And to be able to teach all of the kids who are in the seats in front of you, you need to have a pretty deep level of knowledge to be able to address all the varying needs that kids were going to have, because reading is such a complex process. My mission is to provide affordable and accessible support to teachers and help them kind of find a community of other teachers who are interested in the same things that they're interested in and grappling with, and I'm building that. Yeah, that's where they can find me.
Speaker 1:In the future? Do you have just as an aside in the future, do you have plans to perhaps open this out to parents as well?
Speaker 2:You know that's been asked a couple of times and maybe my passion is yeah, yeah, because my passion is really is really to help the teachers. But I also am seeing so much more now how many more people have started to do homeschooling or online kind of programs and those kinds of things. It used to kind of be like this weird I won't say weird, but like such a small group of people that's what I'm going to say like a not normal thing, not everyday person.
Speaker 1:It's huge now.
Speaker 2:But now it's humongous Since the pandemic. It's humongous. It's true that I know that there are a lot of parents out there who are like in teaching roles now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, well, listen, guys, keep an eye on this lady because there may well be some stuff out there. Literacy support and all those links that you need to contact Andrea will be on the show notes just below here where you are listening and watching this podcast. Andrea, thank you so much for joining me today. I've absolutely loved chatting with you.
Speaker 2:Me too. You and I are, like I said, little kindred spirits there. We have a lot of parallels in our lives. So it was a great conversation, huge parallels.
Speaker 1:It's quite scary. It's quite scary, and thank you so much for joining us. Wherever you are in the world, I wish you a wonderful rest of the day and I'll see you on the next episode of Wet Wipes and Wine. Take care now. Have a good evening. Bye.